OR
CELESTIAL INTELLIGENCER
BEING
A COMPLETE SYSTEM[1]
IN ONE BADGE;
BY THE MAD HATTERS
UTAH:
FOR DC32
2024
PREFACE.
Behold, no longer must one squint into the depths of an old dusty hat, instead one peers into modern invention where seer stones are circuits.
To unlock celestial intelligence hidden in thy digital seer stones within thy hat, positioneth thy face (or in this case thy eye) directly over thy hat opening so that thou is staring directly into thy hat. Verify that light can not enter thus creating a portal to the mystic unknown. Concentrate on the glowing stones as though they are an ancient scroll in the celestial realm. Prepare to receive insights that rival the most tangled plotlines. Remember the path to enlightenment may entail a few glitches and errors, so wear thy hat with pride and let the celestial intelligence pour forth.
ADVERTISEMENT.
This badge, crafted by those madder than a hatter and unapologetically heathen, is a concoction of unholy sarcasm, offensive wit, and a dash of undeniable truth. Using this badge might unleash uncontrollable laughter or plunge you into extreme offense. Even American White Jesus might raise an eyebrow and consider sending you straight to hell for daring to wield such a badge. Proceed with caution, for the consequences are unpredictable.
This badge is available at Hacker Warehouse during DC32.
Obligatory legalese: We cannot be held liable for any consequences, whether comedic, existential, or theological that may arise from the use of this badge. Proceed with a sense of humor and a healthy dose of skepticism. Remember, it’s all in good fun….. Mostly.
Note: If the badge doesn't immediately connect to the seer stones upon turning it on you made need to hit reset, then it should connect.
NAVIGATION.
- Handshake 1: Touch to enter menu. Hold to exit any menu.
- Handshake 2: Up
- Handshake 3: Down
- Handshake 4: Select
MENU.
- Truth
- Revelation
- Magic 8 Ball
- Get Answer
- Mad Hatter Meter
- LED Modes
- Mad Hatter
- Celestial Clouds
- Gone to Hell
- Secret Combination
- The Salamander
- Tapir Joyride
- Suppressive Badge
- Thetan Possession
- Seer Stones
- Drunk as Hell
- Gone Clear
- American Jesus
- DC 32
- Display Handle
- About
TRUTH.
Unlock NSFW mode by giving the secret handshake and entering the password.
REVELATION.
Unlock NSFW mode by giving the secret handshake and entering the password.
OF THE MAGIC 8 BALL.
Unlock NSFW mode by giving the secret handshake and entering the password.
DISPLAY HANDLE.
Etch your handle permanently into the Akashic Record.
Upon the first time selecting "Display Handle", you'll be prompted to enter your handle. Use Handshake 2 and 3 to move through the characters and Handshake 4 to select a character. If you make a mistake and need to remove your permament etching from the Akashic Record, hold handshake 2 and 3. To permanently etch your record, press Handshake 1.
Once your handle is permanently etched it will display upon selecting "Display Handle."
If you wish to adjust your handle in the Akashic Record, enter Handshake 4 again after selecting "Display Handle."
OF THE MAD HATTER METER.
Disclaimer: This is intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real science is purely coincidental. We are not responsible for any spontaneous enlightenment, existential crises or sudden urges to join secret organizations.
Mad Hatter Meter Principle: A spiritual journey where science takes a backseat to fun and wild interpretations of body resistance[2] measurements.
Behold, touch buttons, resistance[3], hats, an all in one system to replace your old dusty e-meter. To get started, select Mad Hatter Meter and follow the instructions.
Totally scientific interpretation of Mad Hatter Meter readings:
- TEST: This gives you a reference point. Sort of like setting your GPS before driving into the Twilight Zone.
- SET: Congratulations for reaching the mystical state of "SET." The Mad Hatter Meter has determined that you are balanced and possibly enlightened. Maybe you just happened to get a perfect reading? Don't get too comfortable.
- RISE: This means that there is suddenly more resistance[4]. Why? Who knows. Maybe it's internal resistance, maybe it's physical resistance. Either way, the Mad Hatter Meter lets you know that you need to let go of internal resistance, or you need to lighten your grip.
- FALL: This means that there is suddenly less resistance[5]. It's not the end of the world but you might want to end your current attempts at balance. Or adjust your grip slightly.
Troubleshooting:
- Meter not Responding: Either you are 100% enlightened or dead. If neither of these are true try turning it off and on.
- Inconsistent Readings: Is your neighbor's dog barking louder than a metal concert? Are you stuck in linecon yet again? Your Mad Hatter Meter hates that too. Find a zen like environment for continued use.
- Unexplained Glitches: What do you expect when you enter the Twilight Zone??
SPECIFICATIONS.
- ESP32-S2-SOLO-2 Microcontroller
- 3d Printed Hat
- Hidden Puzzles
- Hidden NSFW Mode
- Power with micro usb or 3 AA batteries regulated with at 3.3 volts
- Programmable through usb. All you need to program is your laptop and a micro usb cable.
- UART and JTAG connection points
- Reset and Flash buttons to easily enable download mode.
- 9 Regular LEDs
- 38 Addressable LEDs
- 0.96" OLED Screen
- 4 capacitive touch buttons disguised as handshakes for program control.
- 2 SAO connection points compliant with v1.69bis standard. The i2c pins can be connected by bridging the i2c pads near each SAO. SAO connector is keyed.
- Switch for toggling between usb and batteries
- 13 LED modes, including special DC 32 mode
- Hackable
GPIOS.
- GPIO1: HANDSHAKE1
- GPIO2: HANDSHAKE2
- GPIO3: HANDSHAKE3
- GPIO4: HANDSHAKE4
- GPIO5: AUTO REVELATOR LED ARRAY
- GPIO6: USB SENSE
- GPIO7: POWER SENSE
- GPIO8: NC
- GPIO9: BOOK EYE LED
- GPIO10: ANGEL LED
- GPIO11: PAPYRUS FIGURE LED
- GPIO12: MAD HATTER HAT LED
- GPIO13: NC
- GPIO14: NC
- GPIO15: NC
- GPIO16: NC
- GPIO17: HANDSHAKE LED ARRAY
- GPIO18: NC
- GPIO19: USB DATA
- GPIO20: USB DATA
- GPIO21: SAO SCL (I2C)
- GPIO33: SAO SDA (I2C)
- GPIO34: MAD HATTER LED ARRAY
- GPIO35: OLED SDA (I2C)
- GPIO36: OLED SCL (I2C)
- GPIO37: NC
- GPIO38: MAIN BOARD LED ARRAY
- GPIO39: JTAG TCK
- GPIO40: JTAG TDO
- GPIO41: JTAG TDI
- GPIO42: JTAG TMS
- GPIO43: UART TX
- GPIO44: UART RX
- GPIO45: NC
- GPIO46: NC
RESOURCES.
PART II: MADRAGRAMMATON SAO.
16 LEDs. Potentiometer to control flash rate of LEDs in hat. Connect to badge with v1.69bis standard connector or power with CR2032 battery.
OBTAIN.
The Mad Hatter Auto Revelator badge and Madragrammaton SAO will be available at the Hacker Warehouse at DC32.
FOOTNOTES.
[1] Complete system of what? That's a good question.
[2] These are actually capacitive touch buttons but we aren't going to worry about inconvenient details that disrupt our scientific theory.
[3] Don't ask inconvenient questions.
[4] You just need faith.
[5] Put it on your shelf.